Ahhh.... Be Still, My Heart.....

There are many, many, many things in this world that can bestow happiness upon an individual. Sunshine, a cool breeze, the smell of bacon in the morning, closeness with friends and family, nieces and nephews thinking you're completely awesome, or if you're a young'n; getting to hang out with that cute girl who sits in the front row and hold her hand for the first time. I admit, all of those are wonderful things to experience, and have caused a smile or two to ruin the near constant furrowed brow and overall unpleasant look that I so enjoy displaying. BUT, nothing, and I do mean nothing compares to that wonderful pitter-patter sound of....

.....Steel cleats tearing into Astro-turf.

Yes, fellas and honeys, it is that time of year again. The time of year when Sunday actually does hold a form of significance and reverence in my life. It's pigskin time Baby! And yes, Mr. Williams, I AM ready for some football.

There may be some of you who wonder what the big deal is about football. Or maybe you have the jaded outlook about how the players are grossly overpaid or just a bunch of dudes who enjoy hurting people within the bounds of the law. And, you could be right on both counts. You have to put the money issue into perspective though. You can't just look at it as a guy who's getting paid $10 mil for 4 months worth of work. It's actually a year-round job. They have to stay in shape, which means constant workouts. Every year there are changes to the playbook that they have to memorize, and some coaches' playbooks have hundreds of mapped-out plays in them, and that helps discredit the "stupid meathead jock" myth.

You're probably still thinking that $10 mil is too much for even a year. Actors and actresses make far more, for a hell of a lot less work. Most movies take around 3 months to film, and there are a lot of people making around $20 mil, just for that one film. Some of them are:  Harrison Ford, Mel Gibson, Tom Hanks, Bruce Willis, Eddie Murphy, Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Nicolas Cage, Julia Roberts and Will Smith (who currently tops the list of highest paid actors). Now, in my estimation, guesstimation or whatever you want to call it, these folks will provide 90 to 120 minutes of entertainment for me to enjoy, once or if I'm lucky, twice a year. And if it's twice a year, then they got 20 mil for it. Professional athletes on the other hand, I'm crossing all lines between NFL, MLB, NBA, NHL, and any of the others; well, they provide me with multiple MONTHS of entertainment. Granted, I only really pay attention to the NFL, which only gives me one game a week. And in that game the star player will make 300 grand or so. Well, Charlie Sheen makes around $850,000 per episode of "Two and a Half Men" which also only comes around once a week.

Anyhow, it just popped into my head that I'm not getting paid to promote professional sports, so I'm going to cut it short. If you find something entertaining, and are willing to pay to see it, there's a good chance that there are millions more out there that are just as willing. If someone knows they are helping to sell that product, they are going to want their deserved cut of it.

I know I probably haven't sold anyone on the awesomeness of football. Or why it's the most watched sport in the U.S. But think about it, which sport attracts the coolest and most expensive commercials?

At the very least, if you encounter someone watching a game of any sport, don't start spouting off about all the negative aspects of it. Just let it go. Sports are like soap operas to some of us. We have to know everything that is going on, every last bit of the juicy details, and we want to be able to pass it along, scene by scene to our friends the next day.

Well, I'm done rambling incoherently for now. Mostly because its time to go check ESPN's website.

Goodnight / good morning / or whatever.

Just go away.

-B-

Mr. B says READ THIS! (Or Else...)

 Apparently, well at least as far as current news is telling me, I can make anyone and everyone read this worthless, brain-melting, angry, and stupid blog. So, read it! Or else I'll hire those greasy lookin' guys on the back of the phone book to sue you and make you submit.

Let me explain....

There's this church in the Phoenix metro area that recently(a couple years ago) opened shop in a quiet little neighborhood of people that have, for the most part, owned their houses for multiple decades. The previously mentioned church installed a bitchin' stereo setup at the top of their tower so that they could rock the bells every hour on the hour. Now, this little community has a lot of senior citizens who, as we all know, tend to enjoy their "peace and quiet." Several of them, even though some may have been religious people, did not want to deal with the bells constantly banging away. In fact, there was one lady who couldn't even stand to go out and do her gardening anymore. Something that she loved doing more than anything else. So they complained. They contacted the cops, they contacted the city, and they contacted the state. The church was told to knock it off. They could spin the disc of the bells on Sunday mornings for 2 minutes and on religious holidays. In my understanding, the church decided that they should only have to answer to a higher power, and that since the bible says song is the highest praise of God, they were gonna keep on clanging away. Well, the law came down on the locals' side. Since the preacher in charge didn't comply with the court order, he had to suffer punishment. Suspended 10 days jail time, with 3 yrs probation.

Now here's where it gets sticky....

That church, along with a couple others, is suing the City of Phoenix. No, this isn't another one of my jokes. It's true. The lawsuit is filed in Federal Court.

They are claiming that since the Noise Ordinance Law allows Ice Cream Trucks to crank their chimes at 70 decibels to the distance of 50ft, (the church's bells were 67db at the nearest property line,) then they are being singled out in some form of persecution. According to their Senior Legal Counsel, "After all, bells are meant to be heard. But the city's problematic ordinance is being used to inconsistently single out the peaceful sound of this time-honored expression of worship while allowing exceptions for others."

Sorry dude, but clanging church bells aren't exactly what I'd call peaceful. The whole point of church bells is to get peoples' attention. To get them to focus on their god or whatever. Cripes, the point of any bell is to get somebody's attention. School bell? That means "GO TO CLASS!" The bell in a fire station? "GO TO THE FIRE!" The bells that ring in Muslim countries, basically say "HEY, It's time to pray dude!"(I know, it is my understanding that Muslims don't ring bells, but they sing or chant or whatever through a PA system. Either way it's the same basic point. Get over it.) If you really believe that bells are peaceful, I offer my services to sit by your bedside and ring a bell to help you fall asleep at night. Not a tiny little silver bell, but a nice "peaceful" 67 db brass bell. It may be loud, but it's a time-honored expression of worship. So it should be ok.

Well, let me break it down for you Mr. Senior Legal Counsel, (I wish I had a title like that. All words capitalized and such. Oh wait, I do, I'm 'Mr. B').... In every neighborhood I've ever lived in, the Ice Cream Dude/Dudette rolls through maybe once a day. Possibly twice on the weekends. And he keeps rolling by. The loudest you will ever hear his music is when it's right in front of your house, and that's only for a few seconds. Plus, If he stops for kids, adults, or whomever wants to buy something, the music stops as well. He's not parking in front of your pad for two minutes, blasting that crappy calliope tune, every hour on the hour, from 8 am until 8 pm, 7 days a week. And if he did, yeah, I'd call the cops on his ass too.

My thoughts? If the court says they can blast their bells whenever they want, then the court is basically saying everyone has to accept those religious beliefs. Which goes against the Constitution. The government CAN NOT force any type of religious service upon the masses. And obviously, the masses have already spoken.

Besides, in my experience on this planet, I've heard a hell of a lot more people yell "WooHoo! Here comes the Ice Cream Guy!" than I've heard "WooHoo! It's time to go to church!"

But you know what, I've changed my mind. You chase that lawsuit, because I hope you win, and have that whole "Noise Ordinance" completely removed. Then when people roll past your house at 3 am with their stereos cranked, the bass rattling your fine china, free from prosecution because "Music is my religion, man!", I hope you are ready to partake of the can of worms you've opened.

Anyhow, you better have enjoyed this. Because it's my personal beliefs, and you have to accept them. If not, I'm gonna find my own fancy-titled guy to sue you and make you read it every hour on the hour until you do. Because I can apparently file suit against whomever I need to, to make you accept my thoughts, theories and beliefs.

Bah, I'm done picking on the idiots of this world for awhile. Society has saddened me enough for tonight/today/whatever.

Go away.

-B-