What the F%$@

(Reader discretion is advised. Profanities might be rampant in this.)

Religion and faith tell us that everything happens for a reason. To either teach us something, or to renew our strength in that faith. Yet I'm an angry spiteful bastard, and someone that could be, and tried to be friends with everyone he came across was robbed of his life? It doesn't make any fucking sense.

The old saying of "Only the good die young" is extremely relevant in this case. He was a good friend, a good dad, and an all-around good person. Me? I'm not really a good person. A lot of the times I only do things so that they will benefit me. But yet, I'm still here, and he's not. The Way Of Jesus says this was God's plan. That we need to find meaning in this. I can't. For all the reasons I've already said, I can't find meaning in it. I've spent the last several years bashing and discrediting religion. I turned my back on the religion I was taught since birth. I've been a horrible bastard to multitudes of people. Yet, I'm still here. Still free to spew my bullshit. Why wasn't I chosen to be removed?

Everyone keeps saying stuff about how he's in a better place now, and I hope that's true. I just wish that "God" knew that his influence would be better served among us mortals. He was a really good friend to pretty much everyone. We need him here, and though he'll always be in our hearts, having him in our lives would be better.

Goodnight and sleep well Jason. You will be missed by all who knew you.


-B-

Like a Song Unto Myself....

It's a song by Mumford & Sons, but it could basically be words I need to speak to my own self.....

It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind

The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind

So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's hand

So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be

And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
 I'll know my name as it's called again.....



I'm done.

-B-